Wednesday, January 15, 2014

WWWW: Confidence.

Welcome to...

Whatever We Want Wednesdays.

If you don't understand the purpose of that title, you should probably leave now because Birdie and I can't really afford to have that kind of an audience.

Moving along..

Today's topic focuses on the importance of embracing your inner Beyoncé aka being confident.

This was me in high school. Your average decent looking teenager that was somewhat intimidating to approach (or so I've been told).

CONFESSION SOME FOLKS MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT HOLLS: I was a very self conscious person in high school. You’re probably thinking, “duh, everyone was” but I think some folks experienced a heightened sense of it beyond just getting nervous for team projects if you didn't have friends in a class (side note: in college, you hardly have any of those #PRAISE). Anxiety in high school was a reality for me, regardless of how confident I looked to some or how well I seemed to blend in. Appearances can be deceiving. It wasn't until relatively recently that I've come to celebrate my individuality and become truly confident in who I am.

The ~snowball of self confidence~ really got rolling when I had a terrible experience on a date. Yes, mom, I haven't gone into retirement. Call me old fashioned, but I’ve still got a deep respect for chivalry and believe that some rules still apply to the game. I'm not asking for a guy from a Jane Austen novel.

But also I am.

Pro tip: fellas, if you pick me up 20 minutes late, call me to come outside, take me to your apartment so you can change for the date, and then ignore me while you catch up with’re doing it wrong.

While this tragic event was unfolding, I thought to myself, “Dang, did I do something wrong? He’s probably not into me...this blows, I showered and stuff

The old familiar feeling crept in and made my heart sink as I stared at his Taylor Swift shirt..

Then, a voice in my head that was probably Tyra Banks in retrospect really changed my perspective. She/I was like, “Whoa, pause. YOU ARE HOLLY. You are freaking Beyoncé’s prodigy child. Don’t let this guy get away with disrespecting you. You’re doing yourself a disservice by letting this happen. Z formation snap him out of your life with your latina sass and get going” This part may or may not have been partly due to the fact that I actually listen to Beyoncé before all dates to instill all should really try it sometime idk I'm giving away all of my secrets eeeek.

And that’s the story of how I walked out on a date and went to In-N-Out for a celebratory  independence shake with an odd high of real self confidence**

What I’m trying to get at here is that sometimes it takes a really awful experience that challenges your self worth that serves as a wake up call. I had been so used to being insecure about myself, faking it so others would view me positively. It wasn’t until I was literally telling off some punk, saying things I had never even said in the mirror before that I realized that this was myself coming to my own rescue.

I’m not saying that since that experience I’ve been walking around like Johnny Bravo in all aspects of life, but I’ve made a home for that girl that stood up for herself that night. There’s a part of me that really is rooting for me. There’s someone in there rooting for you, too (insert really moving film soundtrack here)

If I could give anyone struggling with self confidence one piece of advice, it would be that life is a whole different adventure when you’ve got yourself on your team. I can attest that being who you are, unapologetically, is one of the most liberating and therapeutic things you can ever do.

I often think about what I’m going to be like when I’m old and wrinkly. Is that weird? ...that’s weird. My biggest regret in life would be having a sense of disloyalty to my individual self throughout this crazy experience based on a misplaced focus of what is important. Ain’t nobody got time for that. We’ve only got 100 years here (probably closer to 60 years for me at the rate of cheeseburgers I consume weekly) and we can’t really be wasting it being hypersensitive about what others think of us.

So voice that unpopular opinion if it’s what you believe in even if your voice shakes, rock that snapback like you grew up with the kids from The Sandlot, and don’t be afraid to walk out on a date if he’s being a jerk (should’ve known from the T Swift shirt). People may hate you or love you for it. Either way, you’ll respect yourself at the end of this.

** Actual photo from that night. I was not having anyone's crap.


p.s. he apologized several times and wanted to make it up to me via food, but once you snap in Z formation, you can't go back.