Saturday, March 15, 2014

FFF: Workout moms/Ultimate White girls

Yo.
First thing's first.
WE HAVE A WINNER!!
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Onward.

What's more important than wearing sports gear the whole day after not working out?
Literally nothing.

Very important to understand that we are glad to pose near mountains and other nature (with our dogs especially) but no actual nature will be experienced. Nope.
They're subtly all around us: The women that wear work out clothes the entire day but maybe only did 20 minutes of zumba in the morning.


We like to call them:

WORK OUT MOMS <3

Characteristics:
leggings
running shoes (sans actual running in them ever)
the most beautifully done make up
head bands and pony tails
North Face everything
dogs
starbucks duh

What kinda ~active~ day would this be without 9 pounds of makeup?

"Here get me in front of the Starbucks logo" *Logo doesn't show up in pic*
It's important that work out moms only get their coffee related products from Starbucks. There is no other way that individuals are going to believe they can afford such a lavish lifestyle while being completely fit and utterly happy.

Birdie and Jillian the dog on their way back to Bird's totally not ironic SUV that only actually has 2-wheel drive, so no "Sport Utility" activities are actually done in said vehicle.
They also have their keys in their hands at all times tied to some sort of lanyard representing where they go to the gym. Keychains will include their gym membership.

Outfit: All from the most pretentious and expensive workout stores you can imagine.

Can't be a real post-workout starbucks trip sans lipstick stain
The work out mom can most easily be seen frequenting any kind of shopping establishment while all of her children are at school and husband is supporting her luxurious lifestyle

omg hey gurl just got done w my pilates

ugh where did i put my phone
Nobody actually knows what is in the bags of workout moms. Speculations include: CamelBak water bottles, actual novels from respected authors they haven't cracked open, Coach wallets the size of a small newborn, and travel make-up bags.

Bags can range anywhere from 10-35 pounds.

just pickin up the kids from karate omg put the camera away i look like a mess
If you're not constantly posing for GoogleEarth in your SUV on the way to pick up the kids, you're not work out mom-ing right.

omg about to work out yay LUV running <3
No one has actually ever seen the work out mom perform any kind of exercise. Photos of stretching are the closest thing our photographers could get before work out moms get back on their Pinterest app and pin boards related to Nike and update their facebook statuses with their new mile times under 8 minutes.

v important to stretch

Work out moms should be taken seriously. This population will end up making you feel extremely uncomfortable about your body/life whenever you see them waiting outside of the car to pick up their kids and talking to their teachers about how much their children are excelling loudly enough for everyone to hear.

They will not hesitate to power walk all over you if you begin to question their third soy caramel macchiato with whipped cream.

Pilate on,
B & H